Freakshow- Inside Harry Potter's ScarMindBrain
by ChronicMigraine007
Summary: "The death of Sirius Black hit Harry like a freight train unwilling to waste the energy to stop because he would die anyway. It wasn't because he lost someone he knew, but because he lost someone he may have had the opportunity of knowing." HPDM (kindof) Fanfiction. This story is Harry's thought process after Sirius dies and he slowly falls in love.


Gabrielle Alpin- Home

Harry stared at the corner of his sleeve, like he usually never did. It was odd, and it bothered him. Why was that string poking up like that? All the others didn't.

He stared at the clock next, which said 2:30 AM in big green small letters. His eyes hurt behind his glasses and his head hurt behind his scar and his scar hurt behind his scar.

He thought he should probably go to sleep, but he couldn't. That made him feel desperate (yes, that's a good word). He felt desperate because he couldn't sleep but he wanted to sleep but he can't. Or maybe he won't. Same thing, right?

Harry heard the sluggish, dragging, fat footsteps of his cousin, Dudley, walking across the hall above him. He must've needed to go to the bathroom. Why is it called a bathroom, or even a restroom? Not all bathrooms have baths and in not all restrooms you can rest and not all bedrooms have a bed, or a room, like this one.

He stopped thinking, because it was freaking him out a little, and rested his tired back against the wall of his bedroom. Or maybe room. Or maybe cupboard, but there are no cups here, only Harrys and spiders. They're friends, so don't worry. Don't squish them, or I'll squish you.

Harry let out a little sigh. It was a sigh, like Snape or snake.

Harry closed his eyes and rested his head on the wall again.

People call it sleep, but he likes to say (to himself, of course) that he's playing dead, because that's really what sleep is. It's death.

Ribs: Lorde

The death of Sirius (insert unknown middle name(s) here) Black hit Harry like a freight train unwilling to waste the energy to stop because he would die anyway. It wasn't because he lost someone he knew, but because he lost someone he may have had the opportunity of knowing (Hello, nice to meet you, my name is adfsdialwiesdfaeltere

It's also nice when people that save you die, you know? Even though they didn't know you but they knew your dead dad and maybe your dead Mum but you don't know that, right? Because they're dead.

No, Harry would never be able to see his- remember his-(dead) Mum kissing him on his (unscarred) forehead or his (dead) dad teach him how to shave ( _he's dead, remember?)_ And remember, he doesn't know because Sirius (insert unknown middle name(s) here) Black is (I think he is) dead, and he (knows) knew this but Harry can't ask him because he's dead.

Maybe they were all sleeping and maybe when Harry sleeps (dies) then they will all wake up in heaven and they can talk to each other and maybe his (dead) dad can teach him how to shave (even though he knows because Ron knows) or maybe his (dead) Mum can kiss his (scarred) forehead and tell him everything would be okay and its okay, okay? The evil man is not going to kill you and Dumbledore really cares about you, see? He even looked you in the eye, see? Can you see? He said either you kill the madman or you become the madman and kill him.

And Dumbledore's the madman, because he's staring at me.

Harry looked down at his plate and concentrated on eating his plate, or the food on his plate. Or maybe the plate. It was kind of hard to do when [Ron's little sister] was staring at him. Why does everyone always stare?

Harry decided that he should be like them and stare right back. So he did, and (Gi) Ron's little sister jerked her head towards the doors of the Great Hall. Harry wondered if she had a crick in her neck, or maybe a cricket.

She got up from the table, so I followed her, since that's what people normally do. They stare and follow.

So he stared and followed and walked, which was an awful lot of things to do at once, and he knows that now because he tripped over Neville Frank(enstien) Longbottom's bag. It was like what Hermione always said. She said that Professor Vector hated it when the students' bags were on the floor near the walkway because they were trying to kill her or something like that, and Harry wanted to meet Professor Vector and give her (or him, I don't know) a pat on the back for thinking like a human.

Robbie Williams- Different.

Something was really bothering Harry, and he wants to talk about it now. Right now.

So there's this guy that sits two tables across from Harry Potter's table with Harry Potter's friends, and his name is Draco Malfoy. Draco Malfoy is acting ( _how do I put this)_ mysterious. And it's not because he's tall and (not) dark and (very) pointy, but it's because there's something brewing in his mind, like maybe Polyjuice potion, because it takes forever to brew and Harry knows that because Hermione knows.

But Draco Malfoy walks weird, he talks quietly, and he doesn't participate in class, much to the disappointment of Hermione because she can't compete with him anymore and that makes her bored, or maybe sad, or maybe upset.

Harry doesn't know, because Hermione doesn't know. But Ron doesn't know anything so (sorry Ron) that makes Harry frustrated, because he can only know what everyone else knows.

But Harry can't know what Draco Malfoy knows because Harry doesn't know Draco Malfoy, you know? And that bothers him, just like it bothers Hermione (he knows, and you know too).

But Draco Malfoy is in trouble, because he looks light and flighty and shifty and stuff, so Harry is going to follow him, because that's what people do, remember? Stare and follow. So Harry Potter stares and follows, and sometimes walks, but he learned his lesson and now he doesn't stare and walk anymore at the same time.

So Harry walks and stares, and Draco walks faster, and he's smart because he doesn't follow at the same time otherwise he falls and maybe he knows that because I know or maybe he knows that because he's fallen while walking and staring and following at the same time before.

Harry hopes he did because he once heard that staring and following and walking and falling are _experiences_ and you have to experiment with experiences in order to experience the best of your experiment, and your experiment's purpose is to know how to live with yourself after somebody dies.

Lana del Rey- Ride

Harry gets bored a lot, because magic is easy and comes to him like magic after Sirius died and after Voldemort possessed him and after he felt stronger ( _weaker_ ). So he gets bored and there's something going on with Ron and Hermione and Lavender Brown, that pink girl, and Harry's brain (not scar) hurts when he thinks about it so he doesn't think about it because he doesn't know, and Hermione doesn't know.

Hermione always feels sad now, and he can feel it because he knows, but Hermione is strong and she gets through it. She's so smart.

Harry stares at her sometimes, because she is fun to look at, and Harry also stares at Draco Malfoy sometimes because Harry found a new hobby for himself and it's called "LET'S FIND OUT WHAT DRACO MALFOY IS DOING" because Draco Malfoy is looking pretty shady sometimes all the time. Draco Malfoy got up from the great hall and so Harry, since it's his hobby, follows him because it makes him feel important and not like he's gonna die. So Harry follows him, and Draco Malfoy goes to the GIRLS bathroom, (or maybe just room or toilet room, yes), and Harry is about to let him know that he's in a GIRLS toilet room, and not a BOYS toilet room, but maybe Draco Malfoy is secretly a girl and maybe that's why he's so shady and quiet and stuff, but he realized that Draco Malfoy doesn't like pink so he obviously must not be a girl because all girls like pink, right?

Harry pinched himself because he was being sexist, and Hermione would slap him if he said that but he never said it, so she doesn't know. But Hermione doesn't like pink, so does that mean she's a boy? No, definitely not. She's most de-finitely a girl, but Harry doesn't know if Ron knows because Ron doesn't know anything.

Harry stared at Draco (but he didn't walk or follow, because if you walk and follow then you fall) and watched, alarmed, as Draco Malfoy began to sob and talk to a ghost. Maybe the ghost was his past, his mistakes, and his dead future, or maybe it's just Moaning Myrtle. Harry thought (briefly, of course, definitely) that Draco Malfoy and Moaning Myrtle looked (a bit) silly because of course Moaning Myrtle is the one who cries and Draco Malfoy is the one who just (floats) there and stares and says that everything will be okay and Harry can't know that everything will be okay because his Mum is Dead.

Harry frowned, because he didn't like to see other people sad, just like Hermione, because it makes him feel sad. So Harry walks and stares and accidentally almost falls but he doesn't because, remember, he wasn't following.

And Draco Malfoy stops and stares and wipes his face off because he was a Malfoy and Harry could've sworn that Lucius Malfoy taught Draco Malfoy that Malfoys never cry or be undignified or untuck their shirts, even when they take baths _in the BATHroom_. So Draco Malfoy scowls, and that made Harry Potter feel the worst because Draco Malfoy was scowling at him.

Harry decided to say something, because his hobby was staring scowling at him, and everyone knows that a hobby is something that you love.

He thought about saying something like "Why are you crying," but then he decided not to because that would make Draco Malfoy, his hobby, very mad because it makes him look weak and Malfoys are not weak.

So for one tiny second, or maybe minute, Harry Potter pretends he has a Mum that isn't dead, even though he knows she's dead, and thinks of things that a Mum might say, but he doesn't know because his Mum is dead.

He was quiet for too long, and he knows that because Draco disappeared.

Melanie Martinez- Carousel

Harry stays quiet, because it's wrong for a boy to love a boy and he knows because even Ron knows, and Ron doesn't know anything (sorry Ron, but that means I don't know anything either because Harry is me).


End file.
